Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Photo by http://epsos.de/Red-Heart-for-Romantic-Love

By no means do I want to get into detail but yes, I'm single. 

Breaking up is never fun for either party (depending on the situation). Sometimes it is something inevitable and sometimes it comes out of nowhere. What is important is how you deal with it. I have to say I was pretty proud of myself, I handled it decently. 

The whole getting back out there thing...yeah about that.

It seems like there is always this pressure on people that once they are single it is time to start anew. Maybe it is because the few guys I've been out with always turned into something more. I just don't know how to tackle that game though. 

Personally I feel like an awkward mess. Like I've somehow made it way too obvious that I like someone. Why does it always feel like you're navigating a maze? Love is complicated, but should finding it be too? 

Dating should be carefree and happy, and yet everyone puts this pressure on themselves to impress and sometimes that backfires. 

Am I ready to get back out there? Sure. Will I do it gracefully? I guess that is to be determined ;)

Weekend Thoughts

*Wrote this a while ago, thought I'd still share it with you guys!*

This topic happened upon me while driving in my car listening to "Cupid's Chokehold" by the Gym Class Heros; yes it is random, but hang in there with me. It was the lyric in the song that said "she's even got her very own ringtone", and it made me laugh. It made me remember how in middle school and yeah, even high school; it was imperative that if you were in a relationship you had to have a ringtone for each other. Your boyfriend was a jerk if he didn't have one special for you.

Love is a term that grows with us as we age

Love is a term that grows with us as we age and its definition changes as well. I think we all figure that out and by a certain point we know what love is to us and how it changes us. What we don't normally think about is the ways in which we define it. Not in words but in actions. The difference between that when we are younger and now when we are adults is astonishing.

When we are teenagers your significant other had to do certain things to prove they " loved" you. It starts from such a young age too. When you’re in the earlier grades in school it is all about actually hanging out with each other at recess or sitting next to each other at lunch but then all of a sudden you hit middle school and it changes. Now it is well you have to hold hands every single second you’re together, or he must walk you to your locker and then to class and subsequently be late to every single one of his classes.

I think what has made it worse is social media. Now, a relationship isn’t official unless it is posted on Facebook for everyone in your list of friends to see. Like if it isn’t on Facebook, then it couldn’t possibly be true. That is truly irritating, that we must rely on a website to dictate how authentic a relationship is. Then of course, if you’re in a relationship you must write on each others walls all the time professing your love to each other. Another good one thanks to social media is the constant phone calls. You had to have one before school, one after school, and one at bedtime and that is just the bare minimum. Then of course you spend hours and hours on the phone talking about absolutely nothing, or not talking at all...come on now, admit it, you are guilty of it right?

Or my favorite is when in middle school or high school even, two people would start dating and three days later start saying “I love you”. Or the fact that we felt the need to say it every single time we said goodbye.

I suppose what I’m getting at is, when we are younger we have no idea about how to properly express love. We are under the impression that it must be said as many times as possible, as if your boyfriend/girlfriend was going to forget in the hour long class that separates you.

It is one of those moments I can say I’m grateful I’m an adult now. I’ve been in “love” and I’ve been in real love. I know the difference and when you find someone you truly have fallen in love with there is no need to constantly express it. If you know they love you back then it is unspoken. You can just look at each other and know, there is no reason to flaunt it to the world, since honestly, it is none of their business.

Love is probably one of the scariest things in the world to deal with, and yes as cliche as that sounds, I speak the truth. You go into a relationship not expecting anything and as time goes on it changes. You feel this weight in your chest and it makes you speechless, because you realize that your heart is opening up to this other person. Which then in fact makes you the most vulnerable you’ve ever felt, and you are hit with this intense fear of the idea that they may not love you back or as much as you love them.

Once you take that leap though, I can’t say it isn’t worth it. We are young for a reason, to let ourselves go through our stupid phase and get out what we think we know. Growing up is just us redefining what we think.

Love/Hate Review: St.Tropez Bronzing Mousse

Today I am going to review the St. Tropez Bronzing Mousse for you guys, but beware this is no ordinary review. I've been using this for probably two weeks now and I have such a strong love/hate relationship with this product. No joke.

First let's start with the details - you can buy it at Sephora or at St.Tropez's website. I went to Sephora and I bought the 8oz bottle for $40. Yeah, I know, it is an investment. I will say this though, if you go to St. Tropez's website, no matter where you bought it, they have great videos on how to use all the products in their line.

Okay so here is the good stuff about this product:
- The smell isn't that terrible. They say they have some fancy technology called Aromaguard that helps with that.
- The color is GORGEOUS. I knew that going in, St.Tropez was considered one of the best for self-tanning. The mousse comes out this dark deep brown and to a girl who is pretty pale, that is down right terrifying.
- If you use the applicator glove then it really helps putting this stuff on, it is fool proof though because you can see where you're going and if you go over a spot more than once it is okay. It is only spotty if you miss a spot.
- The color isn't too dark for someone who has lighter skin. Usually, when you have a tan people are always complimenting it or saying their jealous...I didn't get any of that, which I think was a good thing. It wasn't too in your face.

The bad news about this stuff:
-If you're sensitive to smell then you'll probably hate it. I'm pretty sensitive to everything and while it wasn't bad compared to other tanners...it still wasn't great.
- The sticky feeling you get is horrendous. I felt like anything I touched was going to cling to me! There is no transfer of color but I felt so gross!
- You have to wait 4 hours before showering or sweating...that was torture.
-It is expensive....
- If you miss a spot...it is really noticeable.
- The glove is not precise. There was a lot of splotches on my arms in particular, where the skin was thinnest. The application went on even but one you showered the color came off more in some areas.
- It is a ton of work! You have to spread it over your body, you can't rub it in or else it just dissipates!

So in the end this thing is going back. I love the color payoff but the hassle and the stickiness is just not worth it. I would like my $40 back please!

Friday Thoughts

My week has been pretty up and down and that is not always a great feeling. I'd much rather have a week full of consistency, but alas, things do happen.

I have come to find that one of my better thinking spots is my car. Today while I was driving the title of my blog popped into my head. I thought about what it meant to me, why I chose it, and how others could be influenced by it. Some Blissful Chaos. Most would probably say it contradicts itself. I however, think differently.

In our lives, we need to have chaos. It is a natural part of going through our days, months, and years. Chaos will occur at the most inopportune times, but we should be more welcoming to it. Without chaos, we can't know bliss. We can't know serenity and the happiness that comes with it. Bliss means many different things to people. Some people find bliss in the activities they do, some feel it associated with emotions, and it is important to figure out what bring you bliss.

I usually associate it with love and safety. Love is very encompassing it makes me feel safe, happy, warm, and appreciated. Love comes from many places: family, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, and even our pets. I know that my little Charlie bear always brings me that feeling, in the tiniest of ways!

So we should really start to embrace the chaos, and not become so wound up about it. Of course there will always be days when it gets to much. Just don't let it stop you from trying to experience the good and happiness in your days. Don't let it stop you from reaching a goal, finishing a project, or even telling someone that you love them. Remember, without chaos we wouldn't know bliss.

Random 5.12

Come out, come out, where ever you are.
Let me see the real you.
Are there cracks on that tough exterior?
Can I break through?

Don't be afraid, don't be scared
To let me see how you really feel
To show me how you feel about me
Let your heart be the one I steal

It is never easy to break down those walls
But if you trust me, let them fall.
The hurt you're afraid of is real
I know this because I've been there.

I won't hurt you, I don't want to
I just want to see what is true
If there is love between us
If there is love in you.

Tuesday: Happy Valentine's Day

 

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I know this is going up after midnight but oh well, I just got home. Since today was crazy busy and I spent the night with my boyfriend, I'm excusing myself from the regular Tuesday post. I will post tomorrow's regular post and a catch up post for Tuesday later on today (Wednesday). So I hope you all had a good Valentine's day! ^ Those are the flowers Shaun gave me tonight :) 

Today I saw a lot of mixed feelings about Valentine's day. At work, the kids were incredibly excited and revved up. On Facebook, half the people were happy and the other half cursed the holiday. I personally, enjoy this holiday. Sure it sucks if you don't have a significant other, but you know what? That isn't what it is all about. You get to stop and think about all the different love in your life. I get to reflect on the love I have from my brother and my parents. Honestly, I have the best and most supportive parents in the world, and I get to really remember how much they love me today. 

I get to think about my friends, even though most of them are out of state at the moment, I know that if I need them they are there for me. I get to see little kids at work get excited because they got a bunch of Valentines, and maybe that one special little boy or girl gave them candy and that made the entire day better. I honestly wish people would celebrate the love they have in their lives like this everyday. Today is not the only day someone can make a grand gesture. Go buy your mom or girlfriend flowers just for the hell of it. I promise you, you will see a smile so big it'll make your own heart grow a little. (Yes, I know how corny that sounds...give me a break) Why wait til Valentine's day to buy a little gift for someone, or take them out on a nice date? 

We are all so preoccupied by life, stress, and whatever else that sometimes we forget to show appreciation for the little things we have. I know I can do that myself. I've had some rough months with the surgery and being sick, but I had parents who did everything in their power to make sure I was okay, a boyfriend who would come see me and hold me even with a big stupid brace on, and a puppy who would make me smile. Not everyone is so lucky, and those who are should always take the time to remember that. 

Happy Valentine's Day everyone, I love you all :) 

Facebook and moving forward

     Facebook has changed everything. I know that is a random statement to start with but hear me out. I know personally, that if it weren't for Facebook, I most likely would not have kept in touch with much of anybody from high school. There are a few people I know I would have spoken to here or there but the majority of the people I knew would be memories.

     So when Facebook is entered into the picture that all changes. Suddenly, I know things about people I never even knew went to my high school. I think the strange part for me is that we literally see people's lives moving forward and we are just innocent bystanders looking on. Sometimes it is like a car wreck that you can't stop watching, and other times it is just mundane and uninteresting.

     There is always some mixed feelings I think when we see people we know living their lives; especially when we are no longer involved. Our used to be best friends are suddenly some other person's best friend, our ex-boyfriends and girlfriends belong to someone else, and we see see enemies come together and allies break apart.

     Maybe part of the reason we all follow our Facebook "friends" so closely, is that we don't want to accept that our relationship with them is really over. For some, I'm sure it is just wanting to know everyone else's business. Or maybe it is just boredom.

     In many ways I think it is a good thing that we have Facebook, because not only can we watch the people we love move forward, but we can see how we move forward too. We will see engagements, babies, weddings, new jobs, and so much more. What we forget is that those things happen to us as well, and maybe that is what this whole social networking thing comes down to - sharing our momentum in life too.