strained eyeballs

I honestly couldn't think of a great title to this post, so bear with me. I just had an appointment with the eye doctor and I had to get my eyes dilated...no fun.

So this past week has been a whirlwind of things to do, that is mostly because I actually worked full time last week. I was filling in for the nurse at the summer camp so that meant giving up my half days! I was happy to help out and the extra money will be nice, but my classes took a hit. I did not do well on my exams at all this past Friday. There was simply not enough time to do two classes worth of work and studying and work full time, and try to take some time off for myself. I give an insane amount of credit to any of my classmates who work full time and do school. I'm sure some of them even have kids on top of it!

The crunch in time always takes a toll on me, because I get stressed out and then somehow I end up not feeling well. I hope this week to get back on track and really take the time to learn the material...my degree sort of depends on it!

Speaking of degrees...I'm still up in the air about graduate school, but the full-time job search is not very successful at all. I'm at a standstill right now and those student loans are staring me right in the eye at this point.


Well this was just a small update and hopefully I'll be able to post soon! Back to work for me!

Beginning of Summer Update

Well the beginning of my summer also marks the beginning of some new things happening. Sadly, it includes me working and still taking classes. Yes, that is right, I am already in week number 3 of summer classes. I have 3 more weeks of Empirical Political Inquiry and Writing for the Professions, and then I start another two classes for another six weeks. Yikes.

I'll also be working a new job schedule, but it won't be all summer, which means I am on the hunt for a second job :( In some ways it is good because I need the money, but it makes less time to get all the things I need to do done.

I am also in week two of my internship (officially). If you want go check out Citelighter.com! I've done five knowledge cards already! Martinique, Gaza Strip, Djibouti, Saudi Arabia, and Sulfates (yes I know the last one is random). It is awesome to see my work go live on a website. I have my new topics for this week already picked out so we'll see how that goes. I have been thinking about a lot of ideas for the company and the website, I'm thinking about maybe making time to go to the office in NYC to meet everyone and talk to my boss about what I'm thinking. It would be awesome to do.

Let me see...what else? Well on the health front my whole family is pretty much cruddy :/ Both my parents have been fighting off some bug. My dad has to get a root canal. I just found out I have an ulcer in my mouth which has been causing the pain. Oh and I pinched a nerve in my shoulder stretching...once again I prove I am a danger to myself haha

I need to wake up for work in like 7 hours so I will end this post with a puppy picture!

Charlie looks so happy in this picture! He turned 9 months old yesterday :)

Friday Thoughts

My week has been pretty up and down and that is not always a great feeling. I'd much rather have a week full of consistency, but alas, things do happen.

I have come to find that one of my better thinking spots is my car. Today while I was driving the title of my blog popped into my head. I thought about what it meant to me, why I chose it, and how others could be influenced by it. Some Blissful Chaos. Most would probably say it contradicts itself. I however, think differently.

In our lives, we need to have chaos. It is a natural part of going through our days, months, and years. Chaos will occur at the most inopportune times, but we should be more welcoming to it. Without chaos, we can't know bliss. We can't know serenity and the happiness that comes with it. Bliss means many different things to people. Some people find bliss in the activities they do, some feel it associated with emotions, and it is important to figure out what bring you bliss.

I usually associate it with love and safety. Love is very encompassing it makes me feel safe, happy, warm, and appreciated. Love comes from many places: family, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, and even our pets. I know that my little Charlie bear always brings me that feeling, in the tiniest of ways!

So we should really start to embrace the chaos, and not become so wound up about it. Of course there will always be days when it gets to much. Just don't let it stop you from trying to experience the good and happiness in your days. Don't let it stop you from reaching a goal, finishing a project, or even telling someone that you love them. Remember, without chaos we wouldn't know bliss.

Random 5.12

Come out, come out, where ever you are.
Let me see the real you.
Are there cracks on that tough exterior?
Can I break through?

Don't be afraid, don't be scared
To let me see how you really feel
To show me how you feel about me
Let your heart be the one I steal

It is never easy to break down those walls
But if you trust me, let them fall.
The hurt you're afraid of is real
I know this because I've been there.

I won't hurt you, I don't want to
I just want to see what is true
If there is love between us
If there is love in you.

Surprise! I'm baaack...

Well, well, well, we meet again old friend. Okay so yes, I've taken a long break from this but I'm back and ready to roll. There have been a bunch of things happening so I will do a recap.

First of all, I'd like to mention that I'm dying for the umpteenth time this year. I tried a new foundation on Monday and I instantly broke out in hives and redness. It is Wednesday night and I'm still broken out and itchy as itchy could be. I honestly would rather be in pain right now, than itchy, the problem is that it is everywhere. Ears, face, neck, legs, back, eyes and yeah you get the picture.

Other than dying a slow and itchy death, I've been hard at work trying to get this semester done and over with. There is 10 more days and I will have a month off before Summer classes...boo. However, that means I only have 8 classes left in my degree!

In other school related news, I found my ultimate dream masters program. It also happens to be at my dream school: NYU. The program is a joint MA in International Politics and Journalism...um can you say AMAZING?!? I would absolutely die if I could get into that program. However, I'm still a ways away from that :(

I had my 2nd interview on the 3rd with Public Allies! It went really well, I was happy with it even if it was a 3 hour group interview. Major downside? I have to wait until the end of May to hear anything...

Work is work and now that it is nicer out it seems as though it is getting a little more crazy. I think end of the school year fever is starting to affect the children. But there really is no blaming them, we all are starting to feel that way.

Things haven't been going amazing lately, we've been getting some not so good news on the health front as far as my family goes. My dad is having major issues with his back, and my mom needs surgery again eventually. My shoulder is still not where it should be either which is pretty disappointing. My family goes through hell, but we manage to keep together either way, and I'm thankful for that.

I have had a lot on my mind lately, and I feel like I need to come back and write again. Even if it has nothing to do with what is going on, writing is therapeutic. It helps me forget things and it helps me focus too. Sometimes, all you want to do is talk to that one person but it is just a whole lot easier to talk to a blank page or screen. It isn't as intimidating, at least for me. It is a fresh start in a world where that rarely ever happens...

Tuesday: Happy Valentine's Day

 

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I know this is going up after midnight but oh well, I just got home. Since today was crazy busy and I spent the night with my boyfriend, I'm excusing myself from the regular Tuesday post. I will post tomorrow's regular post and a catch up post for Tuesday later on today (Wednesday). So I hope you all had a good Valentine's day! ^ Those are the flowers Shaun gave me tonight :) 

Today I saw a lot of mixed feelings about Valentine's day. At work, the kids were incredibly excited and revved up. On Facebook, half the people were happy and the other half cursed the holiday. I personally, enjoy this holiday. Sure it sucks if you don't have a significant other, but you know what? That isn't what it is all about. You get to stop and think about all the different love in your life. I get to reflect on the love I have from my brother and my parents. Honestly, I have the best and most supportive parents in the world, and I get to really remember how much they love me today. 

I get to think about my friends, even though most of them are out of state at the moment, I know that if I need them they are there for me. I get to see little kids at work get excited because they got a bunch of Valentines, and maybe that one special little boy or girl gave them candy and that made the entire day better. I honestly wish people would celebrate the love they have in their lives like this everyday. Today is not the only day someone can make a grand gesture. Go buy your mom or girlfriend flowers just for the hell of it. I promise you, you will see a smile so big it'll make your own heart grow a little. (Yes, I know how corny that sounds...give me a break) Why wait til Valentine's day to buy a little gift for someone, or take them out on a nice date? 

We are all so preoccupied by life, stress, and whatever else that sometimes we forget to show appreciation for the little things we have. I know I can do that myself. I've had some rough months with the surgery and being sick, but I had parents who did everything in their power to make sure I was okay, a boyfriend who would come see me and hold me even with a big stupid brace on, and a puppy who would make me smile. Not everyone is so lucky, and those who are should always take the time to remember that. 

Happy Valentine's Day everyone, I love you all :) 

Changing it up

So I'm sitting in a nail salon getting a pedicure right now. It's my happy birthday present to me haha even if my birthday is not until Friday. I was thinking though last night about my blog and what I really wanted to do with it. I think I might start a schedule for the blog and dedicate each day to a specific topic. I enjoy having a personal blog and a political one but until I can really get into writing political stuff a lot more I may just incorporate both.

Since I know I'll want to write about more than one thing, I will probably write a main daily post and then smaller posts about anything else.

I'll have to sit down and map it out but I think this will really help me get into my writing.

Hopeful new job

I just feel like I need to write about it, because I'm just excited. I just sent in my application to what could be one of the most life changing apprenticeships ever. It is through a group called Public Allies, and they set you up with different non-profit organizations to get a job. Then you work full time for ten months and on Fridays you meet with other members of your class at Public Allies for workshops, classes, and what not for development. I feel like this could be a real step for my career, which is terrifying that I'm even talking about it right now. I mean I've gotten to that point where I'm no longer looking for some regular job, I'm looking for positions in my field of choice. I'm looking for my career. Maybe it is so scary because I've barely even taken any political science classes yet...I start two in a couple of weeks. I start week 4 in my two classes today, Chemistry and History, so in exactly ten weeks I will be done with this semester and I will only have 8 classes left to take. Charlie is barking at me and I'm not sure why but he looked so cute I had to take a picture!

Writing piece

the stars and the moon hover peacefully while our breath is carried away in the wind. the chill in the air sends shivers down our spines but the warmth between us is there. hold me close, don't let go. tell me I'm beautiful, tell me how much I mean to you, tell me I'm yours. speak what you feel, don't hold it in. if you can't find the words then show me, grab my hand, kiss me hard, look into my eyes, but let me know. if there is no words to be found and no way to express it..just find that one way to let me know, I'm that special.

Facebook and moving forward

     Facebook has changed everything. I know that is a random statement to start with but hear me out. I know personally, that if it weren't for Facebook, I most likely would not have kept in touch with much of anybody from high school. There are a few people I know I would have spoken to here or there but the majority of the people I knew would be memories.

     So when Facebook is entered into the picture that all changes. Suddenly, I know things about people I never even knew went to my high school. I think the strange part for me is that we literally see people's lives moving forward and we are just innocent bystanders looking on. Sometimes it is like a car wreck that you can't stop watching, and other times it is just mundane and uninteresting.

     There is always some mixed feelings I think when we see people we know living their lives; especially when we are no longer involved. Our used to be best friends are suddenly some other person's best friend, our ex-boyfriends and girlfriends belong to someone else, and we see see enemies come together and allies break apart.

     Maybe part of the reason we all follow our Facebook "friends" so closely, is that we don't want to accept that our relationship with them is really over. For some, I'm sure it is just wanting to know everyone else's business. Or maybe it is just boredom.

     In many ways I think it is a good thing that we have Facebook, because not only can we watch the people we love move forward, but we can see how we move forward too. We will see engagements, babies, weddings, new jobs, and so much more. What we forget is that those things happen to us as well, and maybe that is what this whole social networking thing comes down to - sharing our momentum in life too.

A New Year

     So it is another year and I want to continue my blogging. I'm trying out different blog sites right now, so that's why there has been so much switching going on. Just bare with me, I think I'm actually going to like this one though. 

     I know I'm a little late to the party on this one, but I have been thinking about what I want to do for the new year, in terms of personal goals. I have a few that I can think of and I want to share them so I can feel like it is official and I will more likely hold myself to them. My first goal is to blog/write more. Whether it is private writing I do on paper, blogging here, or blogging on Awkward Politics (my other blog). I really love using words and just forming ideas and seeing where they take me; and I know I could be a lot more consistent with it. 

     Another goal, is just to simply stay on top of my school work. I'm so close to being done at this point and I just want to do the best that I can. I have 4 classes this semester and then possibly a class or two over the Summer, and finally the Fall semester. I think in total I only have 8 classes left for the Summer and Fall. 

     Next up, I want to eat better and get into yoga officially. There are a few roadblocks that may come up with this one, but I am determined. As far as eating goes, that is just pure willpower at this point. I need to make the effort to pick things I want to eat that are good for me. I especially want to try and get away from packaged foods, and stay more along the lines of fresh food. Now does that mean if I want pasta and sauce I can't do it? No. I'll buy a jar of sauce, I'm not going to kill myself making it from scratch, unless I want to try it who knows! I just know there are a lot of things I don't need to be eating. The yoga thing may just come down to money, I've always been better in a class than on my own. I like being in a studio with a teacher and other people. I feel awkward doing yoga in my bedroom alone, but if that is what it takes, I'll do it. I just need to get my shoulder in order first!

     Though physically, I have enough issues to deal with: fibromyalgia, my recent shoulder surgery, and the fact that I get sick all the time; I really want to focus on getting mentally healthy. I've dealt with depression and anxiety for a lot of years now, and I pretty much have that under control. I would love to be able to get off the meds though. Not only that, I want to be more positive. I've had more rough patches than some can imagine in my life, but I want to be able to feel more positive about my life and what I go through. I feel like it'll help so many aspects of who I am. I actually believe I've really done some good work in getting this way too. I've been dealing with a big demon from my childhood, and it has affected some of my relationships with people. But I'm getting through and every day it hurts a little less. 

     So that is it for now, they are four pretty big goals for the year so I better get started!