Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Photo by http://epsos.de/Red-Heart-for-Romantic-Love

By no means do I want to get into detail but yes, I'm single. 

Breaking up is never fun for either party (depending on the situation). Sometimes it is something inevitable and sometimes it comes out of nowhere. What is important is how you deal with it. I have to say I was pretty proud of myself, I handled it decently. 

The whole getting back out there thing...yeah about that.

It seems like there is always this pressure on people that once they are single it is time to start anew. Maybe it is because the few guys I've been out with always turned into something more. I just don't know how to tackle that game though. 

Personally I feel like an awkward mess. Like I've somehow made it way too obvious that I like someone. Why does it always feel like you're navigating a maze? Love is complicated, but should finding it be too? 

Dating should be carefree and happy, and yet everyone puts this pressure on themselves to impress and sometimes that backfires. 

Am I ready to get back out there? Sure. Will I do it gracefully? I guess that is to be determined ;)

Random 5.12

Come out, come out, where ever you are.
Let me see the real you.
Are there cracks on that tough exterior?
Can I break through?

Don't be afraid, don't be scared
To let me see how you really feel
To show me how you feel about me
Let your heart be the one I steal

It is never easy to break down those walls
But if you trust me, let them fall.
The hurt you're afraid of is real
I know this because I've been there.

I won't hurt you, I don't want to
I just want to see what is true
If there is love between us
If there is love in you.

Writing piece

the stars and the moon hover peacefully while our breath is carried away in the wind. the chill in the air sends shivers down our spines but the warmth between us is there. hold me close, don't let go. tell me I'm beautiful, tell me how much I mean to you, tell me I'm yours. speak what you feel, don't hold it in. if you can't find the words then show me, grab my hand, kiss me hard, look into my eyes, but let me know. if there is no words to be found and no way to express it..just find that one way to let me know, I'm that special.

Facebook and moving forward

     Facebook has changed everything. I know that is a random statement to start with but hear me out. I know personally, that if it weren't for Facebook, I most likely would not have kept in touch with much of anybody from high school. There are a few people I know I would have spoken to here or there but the majority of the people I knew would be memories.

     So when Facebook is entered into the picture that all changes. Suddenly, I know things about people I never even knew went to my high school. I think the strange part for me is that we literally see people's lives moving forward and we are just innocent bystanders looking on. Sometimes it is like a car wreck that you can't stop watching, and other times it is just mundane and uninteresting.

     There is always some mixed feelings I think when we see people we know living their lives; especially when we are no longer involved. Our used to be best friends are suddenly some other person's best friend, our ex-boyfriends and girlfriends belong to someone else, and we see see enemies come together and allies break apart.

     Maybe part of the reason we all follow our Facebook "friends" so closely, is that we don't want to accept that our relationship with them is really over. For some, I'm sure it is just wanting to know everyone else's business. Or maybe it is just boredom.

     In many ways I think it is a good thing that we have Facebook, because not only can we watch the people we love move forward, but we can see how we move forward too. We will see engagements, babies, weddings, new jobs, and so much more. What we forget is that those things happen to us as well, and maybe that is what this whole social networking thing comes down to - sharing our momentum in life too.

A New Year

     So it is another year and I want to continue my blogging. I'm trying out different blog sites right now, so that's why there has been so much switching going on. Just bare with me, I think I'm actually going to like this one though. 

     I know I'm a little late to the party on this one, but I have been thinking about what I want to do for the new year, in terms of personal goals. I have a few that I can think of and I want to share them so I can feel like it is official and I will more likely hold myself to them. My first goal is to blog/write more. Whether it is private writing I do on paper, blogging here, or blogging on Awkward Politics (my other blog). I really love using words and just forming ideas and seeing where they take me; and I know I could be a lot more consistent with it. 

     Another goal, is just to simply stay on top of my school work. I'm so close to being done at this point and I just want to do the best that I can. I have 4 classes this semester and then possibly a class or two over the Summer, and finally the Fall semester. I think in total I only have 8 classes left for the Summer and Fall. 

     Next up, I want to eat better and get into yoga officially. There are a few roadblocks that may come up with this one, but I am determined. As far as eating goes, that is just pure willpower at this point. I need to make the effort to pick things I want to eat that are good for me. I especially want to try and get away from packaged foods, and stay more along the lines of fresh food. Now does that mean if I want pasta and sauce I can't do it? No. I'll buy a jar of sauce, I'm not going to kill myself making it from scratch, unless I want to try it who knows! I just know there are a lot of things I don't need to be eating. The yoga thing may just come down to money, I've always been better in a class than on my own. I like being in a studio with a teacher and other people. I feel awkward doing yoga in my bedroom alone, but if that is what it takes, I'll do it. I just need to get my shoulder in order first!

     Though physically, I have enough issues to deal with: fibromyalgia, my recent shoulder surgery, and the fact that I get sick all the time; I really want to focus on getting mentally healthy. I've dealt with depression and anxiety for a lot of years now, and I pretty much have that under control. I would love to be able to get off the meds though. Not only that, I want to be more positive. I've had more rough patches than some can imagine in my life, but I want to be able to feel more positive about my life and what I go through. I feel like it'll help so many aspects of who I am. I actually believe I've really done some good work in getting this way too. I've been dealing with a big demon from my childhood, and it has affected some of my relationships with people. But I'm getting through and every day it hurts a little less. 

     So that is it for now, they are four pretty big goals for the year so I better get started!